I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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