There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
