I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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