I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
