yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I want her autograph on my taint
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
