you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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