I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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