i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Farmville is her only friend.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
