eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
