i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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