i need an iv and a liver transplant
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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