Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
