i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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