Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
