the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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