You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i came on her dog
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
