Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
