I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
