i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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