Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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