White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
