I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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