I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.