this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
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I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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