also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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