my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions