I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
