The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize