oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
