I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
