I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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