clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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