i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
