Say something about gay babies.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
40s are totally the cure
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
