A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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