also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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