Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
