Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
