TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
