I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
