That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
