I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
