Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
