i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
