All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
