Screwed.edu
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
