Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
