That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
