do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
