Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize