The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
