i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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