you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
