his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize