dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
