Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
