brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
