why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
