I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
