I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
