No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
