Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
