I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
