idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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