Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I came so hard my ears popped.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
