Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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