God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
