if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
