11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
nutella sex= disaster
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
