lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
