did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just cropdusted the office
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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