party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
