how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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