My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
