I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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