i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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