Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
