I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I will be naked everywhere
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
